Why I Stopped Watching “Grimm”

[Spoiler alert: this post will make you hate the show regardless of whether you’ve watched it or not.]

I’m a sucker for fantasy, especially on TV. If a show has magic and mythology in it, I will watch it way beyond the point where it jumps the shark. I watched through the first season of Merlin despite finding it to have some of the laziest writing I had ever seen. I watched the first season of Once Upon A Time even though the child actor annoyed the hell out of me and the main lead character was ludicrously naive for someone who was sold as bad-ass and cynical (I hear the show improved in season two, and the villains were great to begin with, but I just couldn’t bring myself to give it another try). I watched Misfits right to the end even though the show was a master class in idiot plot, had seriously problematic sexual politics, and its most entertaining character left after season two.

The point is, I often let my love of fantasy override my good sense and taste. But after nearly four seasons of watching Grimm, I just couldn’t do it anymore.

It wasn’t the characters, who were mainly two-dimensional. It wasn’t the repetition of lines and themes that weren’t even interesting the first time (“I don’t know much about his side of the family” ooh, mysterious). It wasn’t the endless complications that didn’t ever resolve themselves or give you a better understanding of the world of the show; it wasn’t the deus-ex-machina and general hand-wavery that the writers used to get themselves out of jams; it wasn’t the long, long parade of “wesen” that – no, it couldn’t be one of those…I thought they were extinct! Nobody’s seen one for a thousand years!

It wasn’t any of that. It was how the writers used sex.

If Misfits was a show that punished its characters for being happy, Grimm is a show that punishes its characters for having sex. And nobody is punished more cruelly or more senselessly than Adelind Schade. For those who are unfamiliar (hopefully everybody), Adelind is the show’s Scheming Woman. In the first season, she and police Captain Renard were secret villains, lurking in the background while they plotted…something evil. We never exactly found out what, because the (male) captain allied with the main character and was redeemed, whereas Adelind was vanquished and her witch’s powers were taken away. How, you ask? Well, the main character forced her to the ground and kissed her against her will; she bit him in response, and through the magic of handwavium, ingesting a drop of his blood de-witch-ified her. This was his revenge on her for having nearly killed his (police) partner…by having sex with him. I know, I know, I should have stopped watching then. It should have been obvious enough that things were not going to get better.

Well surprise surprise, things get worse. Captain Renard and Adelind’s mother treat her like a foolish child for having her powers stripped away, so she leaves the U.S. for some sexcapades. Also so that she can scheme with the remaining villains. It may bear mentioning that despite having turned against her former ally Renard, Adalind apparently has no information of actual worth to share with his enemies. Instead, she briefly returns in order to have sex with Renard and become pregnant (on the first try!) as some kind of a master plan.

But does she actually have a master plan? Of course she doesn’t. We know this because people keep telling her that she’s done something very consequential and dangerous, and that everybody will want to steal this politically important baby from her, and she is surprised every time. She is presented, for the rest of the show, as completely out of her depth.

Now as I said before, this show is chock full of unnecessary complications. Adelind leverages her important pregnancy to find an ally who can help her regain her powers. Then she goes through episode after episode of tasks that are completely punitive in nature (eating raw heart, etc.), all of which eventually result in her regaining her powers, although they also super-charge her baby and make the rest of her pregnancy hell. And now everyone wants to steal her baby even more.

How does she get out of this mess? Why, through the power, wisdom, and self-sacrifice of a bunch of men, of course. And at the end of a long and humiliating road, Adalind does in fact have her baby stolen from her. But it’s stolen by the good guys, so that makes it okay.

Well, she can’t get her baby back, but Adelind can still be all villainous, right? She certainly does her best. How? Sex, of course! She impersonates the main character’s fiancee, seduces him in that form, and thereby takes his powers away from him. For, you know, a few episodes.

You’re probably wondering, how did you ever get this far into the show, and if none of this outrageous shit made you stop watching, whatever could? I’m glad you asked.

This one sexual encounter with the main character gets Adalind pregnant again. All it takes is having sex once, people! Pregnancy every time. Sex has consequences. But worse then that is Adalind’s reaction: Oh no, not again! This can’t happen to me! Because apparently in the world of Grimm, abortion does not exist. Not even for villains! And I guess only the good guys use contraception? Either that, or their virtue makes them immune to unplanned pregnancy.

Adalind’s transformation over the course of the show is from somewhat stereotypical villainess to tragically incompetent, tragically abused villainess. And she has only herself to blame, because throughout the whole show, men are always giving her advice. To her credit she rarely listens to any of it, but then, perhaps that’s why she’s punished so severely. For a show based in Portland, OR, this show is somehow the least progressive piece of media I’ve ever come into contact with. And I’ve seen the occasional episode of Dragnet, which, let me tell you, has not aged well.

For all the talk we had this year about people giving up on Game of Thrones, it’s kind of remarkable to me that this show has slipped under the radar. This is a network show, people, and its ratings have been high enough that NBC has committed to a 5th season. Its viewership has actually been going up from season to season. For all of Game of Thrones‘ gratuitousness, it’s pretty even-handed with its misery. The same can’t be said for Grimm.

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